My Life with the Monster Boy, Episode 2
I understand that making a toy educational is theoretically a good thing, but I remember when the only educational advantage I had during any given day was an adult who was trying to teach me something. The benefit of that being that if I started to learn the wrong thing, they could correct me and gently coach me back to the correct path.
I don’t know a single adult in the world who actually wants to spend time watching or playing with all of their kid’s toys in advance to make sure there aren’t secret satanic messages stitched into the lining. Generally speaking, I just take it for granted that the CBC does not fund the Doodlebops to promote kicking puppies or whatever. But to be honest, I don’t really know because after one episode it was simply good enough for me that the monster boy was entranced and therefore not attacking the DVD player.
However, it has not escaped my notice that perhaps not every toy that is supposed to interact has quite the right message…
Up-Up Elmo (yes my old enemy, we meet again…) has a variety of phrases that he uses when played with. Mostly sweet and/or cute little things like “Elmo loves you”, “Elmo up now” and “Thank you!”
As educational tools go, quite sweet and reasonably endearing phrases. However, as the toy is designed, a switch hidden in his belly fur activates these phrases. Isn’t that clever? Won’t that reward my child for being sweet and hugging this cute toy as it requests/demands while helping build his language skills with words like ‘love’, ‘up’ and ‘thank you’?
Quite frankly, I don’t care.
You see, this is layered under a far more sinister lesson.
Remember, toddlers are young, uncoordinated, and perhaps having a little trouble mastering the principles of upright mobility. What they do have going for them is that they are absolute learning machines.
So what does the monster boy do with his Up-Up Elmo? Well what would you do if you had trouble bending over and picking up something that was a quarter of your size and weight? Something that you know will entertain you if you press a button in its tummy? Well, obviously, this is a toy that is meant to teach you to stand around for several minutes kicking something helpless in the stomach. What other lesson could there possibly be than ‘never hit a toy while he’s down; kick him, it’s easier’. Might as well call the toy ‘Roll Elmo for his Wallet’. Or “S&M Elmo” as he thanks you for putting the boots to him and tells you he loves you. Educational? Maybe, but not in the way it was originally intended.
Now, speaking toys have another problem, namely knowing when to shut up. Speak and Learn Puppy may be able to speak, but his ability to learn seems a bit stunted.
Any nudge, tap or breeze sets him off, and off he goes. “Hug me!”, “Let’s sing and play games!” and about a billion other phrases that barely have any relation to anything that happens at all. Now, that would be annoying enough, but factor in the fact that it starts a phrase whenever it moves in any way. And I mean ANY way.
So you can spend a whole day hearing it fail to complete any phrase. “Hug m, let’s sing and, foot, green f, hug me, hand, tummy, hug me!!!”
What does this teach exactly? How to tune out a demanding friend? Some sort of twisted relationship prep?
Both of these toys guarantee child and parent interaction time as you spend hours trying to undo their teachings, “No monster boy, the dog won’t be happy if you kick him in the belly…”
